DCML Explained - Part 11: Um, I'm Not Ready Yet

I'm not ready to meet you yet. Maybe in a few weeks I'll be more comfortable to get together f2f.

You don't want to meet up until after some
extended period of time chatting online

Since you are reading this, that probably means you may have some level of interest in online dating. If you've been in the cyber-love world for more than just a week or two, you've probably ran into this personality type. Although it may be more common in women than men, it does exist in both genders. There is this online personality that wants to wait weeks to months before they're willing to get together face-to-face (f2f).

I met Donald on another free dating site and I had our really fascinating first conversation. We threw around intelligent facts, jokes, and all those other great things that make you glued to your computer communicating via text. We probably chatted for a few hours. It felt nice.

Following that conversation, our continued rapport grew very monosyllabic. Donald would IM me with a few words here or there. I'd attempt to engage in conversation but constantly hit brick walls. Perhaps his interest level in me highly waned.

I asked Donald on a few occasions if he ever wanted to meet up with me. He confirmed that he did. I tried to get availability of his schedule. He wasn't too open. Eventually I asked him what the deal was.

Donald told me he wasn't comfortable meeting me yet. I asked why. He said he took awhile to open up to people. I commented that we don't even really talk anymore. He repeated that he wasn't comfortable yet. I said what does opening up to someone have to do with meeting them face to face? Isn't it more common for people to reveal more lounging around in their underwear with the comfort of the computer masking their identity?

I laid it out straight. I wasn't comfortable having a chat buddy. Typically I understand when people are too busy to meet up, but building a comfort level first online? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I find this to often be misleading. I encouraged him to contact me when he's ready to hangout and we left it at that.

Think about this. You're at a bar. A hot girl/guy comes over to you. You have some drinks and make some small chat. You exchange numbers. You might even dance a bit if you're tipsy and/or the dance floor is booming. Now, unless you're backing that thang up, I'd say your interaction isn't very open and intimate either.

All in all, as long as you're meeting in a public place during daylight hours, what's the harm in meeting up after chatting for a limited time? Maybe it's my personality but I rather be out and about than building up a relationship through da interwebs.

I mean, if you're gonna get molested by someone, are they really going to tell you that in the IM?