The Introduction to the Don't Contact Me List (DCML) Explained

The Introduction to the Don't Contact Me List (DCML) Explained

I'll admit it. I'm on a few online dating sites. I've been on a few dating sites for years. I've been on online dating sites when only perverts and people who get molested were on them. I've encountered enough individuals that eventually I formulated a list of what I don't want in a mate. I call this my Don't Contact Me List. The purpose of this list is to rule out what I am NOT looking for in a mate. Originally this list has only been on OkCupid but I decided to branch out and include it for a more public display. All the bullets below stem from individuals I have met over the years. The following is the current list:

• You're a male who enjoys being sexual with other men in any form
• You like to smear food products on your feet and take pictures
• You make frequent jokes about being a pedophile
• You break my stuff and blame me for your accident
• You invite me to hangout and end up being with another girl all night
• You accuse me of being abnormally paranoid for not wanting to meet you after only chatting with you once online
• You don't want to meet up until after some extended period of time chatting online
• You call me or compare me to a Nazi and/or German dictators, kidding or not
• You want me to drive you around to random stores on our first date and don't offer me anything
• You start off your introduction with a picture or webcam of your penis and/or any penis-associated activity
• You immediately tell me that you want to convert for me
• You start off introductions with "You're a hottie," "XOXOXOX," "Your pictures are sexy," or some other variation
• You're an extreme animal activist
• You text or talk to people on the phone at least half the time we're out
• You don't participate in daily hygiene rituals (i.e. shower)
• You're high maintenance, over-sensitive, passive-aggressive, desperate, really needy, and/or you can't take a joke
• You must live with cats (I like them, but I'm allergic)
• You're a smoker
• You can't go a day without an alcoholic beverage
• You have kids (love kids, but want to start my own family)
• You're married or in a relationship
• You want a polyamorous relationship
• You're old enough to be my dad's peer
• You're only looking for something sexual
• You only want to talk about my body
• You disrespect and/or discredit my religion
• You can't accept your future kids being Jewish
• You just broke up with your ex
• You constantly talk about your past relationships and/or frequently hangout with your ex/exes (If they're your friends, why not just refer to them as a friend? If there is no existing romance, then I don't need the past details)
• You fly/drive to your ex-girlfriend to spend the weekend with her, alone
• You get involved in a relationship where you end up frequently telling your girlfriend (or frequently feeling that) you don't know if you want her
• You live farther than an hour's drive of me (I'm not into LDR)
• You're younger than 25 or older than 33

(updated 12/11/08)

Why do I have a don't contact me list? Am I trying to seem like an arrogant jerk who thinks I get my pick of the litter all the time? No. Being on a dating website, and being female, I've come across some good people, but also my share of wackos. My list is a compilation of what I don't want based on who I've run into, mostly from OkCupid. At first glance you'll probably laugh. How could people actually do that sort of thing... and why? Well, this list came to be after reaching the point where I had my oddest encounter; the one that will commence this blog.

Most people usually want the story behind the remark. I've decided not to link the OkCupid user here to which the bullet point corresponds. Names have been changed to protect the weirdos. In fact, some of the weirdos are actually still my friends, people I still care about or someone I don't heavily avoid. If you're also featured here, I apologize that your tactic didn't go over well.

Some stories may be longer than others. Some deserve that much more explanation.

Also, for the record, most of the dates I go on are pretty fun. But I rather keep a journal of the humorously bad ones than the plentiful good ones. People love to laugh at weirdness and stupidity, amirite? ;)

The above posts will be the story behind the madness. Enjoy.