DCML Explained - Part 15: I WANT You Honey, Even if You Aren't as Sexy as Before.

I think you're so hot, even if you're less sexy now.


Your smooth charms of trying to seduce me include dialogue such as "You're attractive, but you were more so a few years ago when you were thinner."


My "friend" Edward and I went back a few years. We met off of MySpace. Remember those days? He started talking to me before I went to graduate school. We kept up over the years and became friends. We'd talk about our job, roommate and love life problems. We never dated but we hung out on a few occasions and casually chatted once in awhile.

The other day Edward messages me. His love life hasn't been going well. Here's a summarized transcript.

Ed: Hey, we've known each other about four years now, haven't we?
Me (thinking uh-oh): Yeah, that's about right.
Ed: How about I make you dinner soon?
Me: Food is good. I like it when people cook for me.
Ed: So, would you be offended if I suggested we have sex? Would that change things?

Geez... four years of knowing the guy, being friends, talking about life, etc. etc. and then he blatantly propositions me? If it was going to happen, wouldn't it have happened, I don't know, maybe FOUR YEARS ago?

Regardless, I play it cool.

Me: So you're attracted to me, huh?
Ed: Yeah, I always have been. But...
Me: But what?
Ed: You were more attractive a few years ago when you were thinner.
Me: What the f###??????
Ed: I still think you're attractive though.

Okay, no wonder why you're having bad luck in the love department, mister. Your seduction tactics are nothing short of a Fail blog entry. Seriously, trying to bed a girl then tell her she's not as hot as she used to be?

Me (regaining my cool): Listen, this conversation is over. You're an ass.
Ed: I'm sorry! I was just being honest.

SERIOUSLY??? Wow, what a winner. What a way to dig yourself out of that hole, buddy. I pretty much stopped talking to him at that point. Who knows, maybe I will try to re-address my friendship at some point, but not anytime soon.

Oh yeah, to think about it in the past, he has commented before if I gained weight. I didn't realize I can't be human.

Ed's type of girl